एक रिश्ते के बाद...

सुलगती चिता में धुआँ धुआँ हूँ
दहकती चिता में लपट सी जली हूँ

हर रात सहम जान मौन सवालों से
हर भोर में घबराना धूप के छालों से

मौत मेरा प्रियतम...अब चाहूँ आलिंगन
परित्यक्ता सा जीवन, बोझिल सा हर क्षण

अग्निपरीक्षा में सही कितनी जलन
विश्वास कि बलिवेदी पर रिश्तों का चीरहरण

कितना कुछ हूँ मैं अबूझ पहेली सी
नहीं चाहा अर्पण...नहीं चाहा तर्पण

चाहा बस भटकाव नहीं चाहा बन्धन
काल के निविड़ अन्धकार में अर्थ खोजता मन

आराध्य स्वीकार करो जीवन कि हर स्मृति
कर के खुद को होम् दी आज पूर्ण आहुति

Nadi mein badh aayi hai kahin paani gira hoga
Abhi dil mein dhadkan jinda hai kahin jaljala utha hoga

Saza jeene ki deta ahi mujhe,wo shayad mera khuda hoga
Aaj sawaal ka jawaab bas maun hai,wo jane kya sochta hoga

Khauf khate hain apne khwabon se, socha na tha kabhi aisa hoga
Dard ki sarhadein banate hain,jaane inse aage kya hoga

Kaun jane kya likha hai kismat mein,ab kaun sa tamasha hoga
Kab se nahin huyi hai usse mulakaat,jane wo kis mod pe ruka hoga

Wo kabhi rasta tha kabhi manjil hta, kabhi socha tha wo mera hoga
Aaj main tanha, wo bhi tanha hai, akela apna caravan hoga...

PS: first line courtesy shreejay sinha...i dont know kisne likhi hai...par meri nahin hai, it just sparked off a chain of thoughts.

dard mein bhi ek raahat hai...kam se kam ek stayitva to hai,thahraw ka ek ashwasan to hai...bahte jaana bahte jaana...rukna bas thokar kha kar...jindagi tu bhi alag alag mod pe naye rang le ke bikhar jati hai...

Thaka hun…ruka hun
Par toota nahin hun

Lad ke jindagi se
Aaj main khada hun

Visangatiyon…kutarko
Ka chakrvyuh hai

Main peeche nahin hata
Akele lada hun

Dard ki parton mein lapeta kisi ne
Ki ghut jaaye dam ye bhi chaha kisi ne

Shool bhi sadak par kisi ne bikhere
Rudhir ranjit pairon se athak chala hun

Dukh mera priyatam sath mere chala bas
Muskurahaton se aage kafi tez chala hun

Apni jadein nikal kar dharti ki god se
Bekhauf hawaon mein udata phira hun

Banata hun main har kadam se ek raah
Mian wo nahin jo kisi bhi path pe chala hun

Shoonya sa vistrit hai astitva mera
Har visphot mein bhi avibhajit raha hun

Main thakta nahin main rukta nahin
har janm kaal path par akela chala hun

thaka hun…ruka hun
par toota nahin hun

thakunga rukunga
par tootunga nahin…

chahti hun tum samajh jao
jo maine nahin kaha

dekh lo mere aansu
mujhse door rahkar bhi

chahti hun kabhi likhun tummhein
kore pannon ke khat bahut saare

aur intezaar karun
har ek ke jawaab ka

nahin maangungi tumhara saath
kyonki chaha hai tumko...maanga nahin hai

bikharti jaun jab katra katra
chahti hun ki tum bas dekho

sirf itna chahti hun...
jab muskuraun main
aur aankhon mein tir aaye koi aansu
tum dekho...meri muskurahat nahi...wo aansu

kyun ho kavita ka janm hamesha hriday mein
kya mastishk kuch nahin karta...
to fir sara credit dil ka hi kyun...ek din dimaag bhunbhuna raha tha
jaise bacche ke janm ka saara credit maan ko milta hai...pita ko nahin

aakhir shabd to dimag ki hi random access memory mein maujood rahte hain
aur unko jodne ka vyakaran bhi...
dimaag pe daura pad chuka tha

usne lalkaara-"himmat hai to bina shabdon ke apna vajood bana ke dikha"

kavita uthi,ek nanhi si ladki ke paas gayi
chupke se pet ke paas haath le ja ke thodi si gugudi ki
khilkhila uthi ladki...ban gayi kavita

mastishk jhjunjhla ke baith gaya

bahut dino baad aaj kalam uthayi
aisa laga ki bhawna shoonya ho gayi hun main
paraye ho gaye hain saare ehsaas...aur behad ziddi bhi
koi bhi taiyaar nahin
kaagaz ki vedi pe balidaan hone ko
syahi mein ghulne ko tatpar...koi nahin
aham ka takraw yahan bhi
"aakhir kyon kho dein ham apna wajood..
tumhare shabdon mein kyun range ham?"
unhonein poocha
"aakhir kavita ban jane ke baad
kuch bhi to nahin rahta hamara"

main achambhit...
kavita aur ehsaas mein ye kaisa vamanasya
aakhir dono hain ek doosre ke poorak

aur phir dono ki mujhse ladai
pal bhar main hi ho gaya paraya sab kuch
aur maine mehsoos kiya
surrogate maan ki peeda ko...

Muhabbat gumnaam hi ho to behtar hai
Ise dafn kar lo apne dil mein kahin

Zamana dekh ke hans dega mere aansuon ko
Behtar hai ki chirag mein roshni nahin

Teri yaadon ka darakht aye mere jaanashin
Panapta hai Ankhon ki nami mein hi

Tanhaiyan ban gayi meri hamraaz
Parchayiion ki ab jarurat nahin

Kyun maangun main rab se aur kuch
tere gam ke siwa koi chahat nahin

zinda rakha usne bhi yaqeen ko mere
uski bewaiyan wafaon se kuch kam nahin

khadi hun baahein failaye is lamha
aa baahon mein, maut meri jaanashin

Jalne lagi hai darakhton ki chhaon
Ki dariya ubalne laga hai kahin

Kaun daakhil ho gaya dil mein aaj mere
Katra katra Jism sulagne laga hai kahin

Ansu jo chalke to pad gaye fafole
Dhuan banke utha samandar kahin

Jo baarish huyi to giri garm boondein
Aaj barf mein bhi hai thandhak nahin

Dard tera, jakhm jalta hua
Pyaar mein bhi tere raahat nahin

Pata nahin behtar kya hai
Saath tere jalun ya tere bin kahin

Jhulas gaya haath mera tere haath mein
Pyaar hai ye ya hai khudkhushi

Koi bata de aag se yun muhaabat
Os ki ek boond ko ho gai…

aaj bhi nahin mila wo khoya hua pal
jo tumse bichadte huye kho gaya tha

yad ki uljhi huyi si galiyon mein
do saath chalte huye ajnabi

unki raah dhoondhne ki koshish
der tak bhatakne ki khwahish

inkaar ki baatein
ikraar ke maayne

baarishon ki shikayatein
bheegne ki mastiyan

sacche se kuch jhooth
jhoohte se kuch sach

kitna kuch tha
jo kuch bhi nahin tha

do sarhadein ek rishtey ko bant-ti huyi
aur jod-ti huyi bhi

wo rishta jo us waqt nahin tha
aaj bhi nahin hai
kal bhi ho nahin sakega
wo rishta jo waqt ke aayam se baahar tha- aur rahega

Tumhari khamoshiyon mein apne liye ikraar samajh liya tha maine
Par mere shor mein meri khamoshiyan tum kaise samajhoge?

meri khilkhilahat isliye nahin ki main nahin dekh sakti tumhari muskurahat mein chhupa ansu…
par isliye ki tumhein thoda kam lagne lage apna dard

mere geet isliye nahin ki main nahin sun sakti tumhare dil ki aah…
par isliye ki tumhein mile koi dhun gungunane ko

main samajhti hoon tumhari kabr mein guzri raaton ka soonapan…
mere jism mein dafn hai meri rooh

par tum kaise samjhoge,tumhari kabr pe guzri meri raaton ka dard?
Tum kaise samjhoge, tumhare na hone par bhi tumhare hone ka ehsaas liye jeena?
Taki tum khush raho jannat mein, main ro bhi nahin sakti
Tum kaise samjhoge, mere jeevan mein tumhara naa hona kya hota hai?

kitne jaldi guzar gaye din
college life
late se class aana, aandheri class mein chupke se enter karna
canteen se khana le ka seedhiyon pe baith ke khana
lawns pe chaay peena,gappe maarna
benches pe baith kar jj ki taarif mein kaside kaadhna
budhiya ne life barbad kar di hai
comp lab mein orkuting karna
raat ko sadakon pe ghoomna
baarishon mein bheegna
fest mein dance karna
i will miss college pakka

dekhti hoon un aankhon ko jaaen kitne sapne bunti rehti hian,kaise bata doon ki in sapanon ke kirichein bahut chubhti hain.kaise cheen loon tumhara sukh.dekhti hoon tumhein ,kabhi mera haath tham apne gaon ki pagdandiyon pe daud lagate rehte ho kabhi doobte sooraj ko niharte rehte ho,kaise keh doon tumhen ki mat dekho ye sapne.
kal ke dar se aaj jeena chod dein,sapne dekhna chod dein?agar sapne na hon to jine mein koi maza nahin rah jaata .us chaand ko paane ki khwahish hi to jeene ke arth batati hai.agar chand na ho to kaun si khwahish rah jaayegi

dard se ye kaun sa rishta nibhati hoon samajh nahin aata.geeli annkhon mien chubhte ashk nazar dhundhli kar dete hain.yun man toot sa gay hai,jindagi se ki aankhein kholne ka dil bhi nahin karta.aisa kuch bi to nahin jo dil ko thoda sukoon pachuncha sake,aankhon ko thodi thandhak mile.

jindagi teri bedili se to maut hi behtar lagti hai.sochti hoon ki aakhir aisa kya maang liya tha ki is kadar gam jindagi ka hissa ban gaya.ek nanhi si khushi hi to maangi hti,kaun sa saare aasman pe hukumat chahi thi.ek lamha maanga tha,aisi kayamat to nahin chahi thi.
kaun kehta hia ki dard ki sarhad hoti hai,kaun kehta hai ki dard ki jaban hoti hai
khwahishon ka ek sailab sa hai jo kahinmere wajood ko duba deta hai
aur kya kisi ke kehne bhar se hi jindagi ka arth badal sakta hai
kyon khamoshi apni lagti hai,kyon geet bhi shor se lagte hain,kyon shaam ke dhundhle saayon ke khoobsoorati humein kahin maut ka chehra dikhati hai

tumahi yaadon ko tham kar jee to lun main par
agar muskurane to ji na chahe to kya meri khata kahoge
tum jaante ho shayad kitni hai muhbbat tujhse
par gar jaana pade door to kya bewafa kahoge

aaj ek baar jzara mera haath thaam lo
na jaane kyon lagta hai ki nahin bache hain jyaada din
hamare tumhare saath rehne ke
achanak se lagta hia ke jindagi badi tezi se guzar gayi
aur hum
hum sirf dekhte rahe
jindagi ka guzarna mehsoos karte rahe
sochte rahe ki in lamhon ki trh khushgawar lamhe jindagi mein hamesha rahenge
par aaj, aaj achanak se lagta hai ki waqt kitna kam reh gaya hai
ungliyon pe gin sakte hain maheene
saath saath yun aana, ladna jhagadna
exam mein saara answer dictate karana
aur phir ladna ki isse to accha hum khud hi likh lete
jaade ki dhoop mein laptop le ke presentation banana
chaay peena, chocalate khana
kya yaad aayega tumhein bhi itna hi, jitna ki mujhe
kya tum chaahoge ki in lamhon ka ek hissa tumhara ho
kya tum ye sochoge ki wo saare lamhe jo humne saath bitaye the
maine sahez kar rakhe hain
kya tum ye jaanoge ki woh jo thi
shayad jise jaanne ki koshish nahin ki tumne
wo tumhein khush dekh kar muskura leti thi
tumhein udas dekh kar sade huye pj maar karti thi
lunch isliye tumhare saath karti thi ki tum thaali mein khaana chod na do
bhookhe na uth jaao
tum tum tum aur bas tum
tumhein bataye bina tumhein apni jindagi ki paridhi bhi bana li aur kendra bhi
tum jaan sakoge, nahin na
kyonki
tum kabhi bhi dekh nahin sakoge meri aankhon mein
pyaaar, apnapan, fikr, ya shayad kuch bhi nahin
kyon ki
bheegi aankhon mein aks nazar nahin aate.

agar itna bhi kaafi hai ki usne mud kar dekha to lagta hai ki shayad kahin na kahin koi jazba hai jo karvatein le raha hai uske dil ki masoomn si dhadkano mein. muhabbat isi tarah chupke se ho jaati hai, koi dastak nahin koi aahat nahin, na koi aane ki umeed, socha na tha kabhi kisi ka sirf mud kar dekh lena itna khoobsoorat ehsaas hoga ki lagega jindagi achanak se khusnuma ho gayi hai.

exams ka tension pal bhar ke liye thoda kam ho gaya.uff... ye exams .. na sochte huye bhi exams hi ke baare mein sochte hain, exams na hua pyaar ho gaya
so stupid of me, apna gubaar nikale jaa rahi hoon. sidhe sidhe jaa ke kitab utha kar thoda sa padh loon to shayad thoda aaram se kaam ho sakega.

ghar ki bahut yaad aa rahi hai. hostel ka kamra bada soona soona sa lagta hai, pehli baar exams ke time mein ghar se baahar hoon, mummy nahin hai. milo bana ke dene ke liye raat mein bahut neend aati hai. pata nahin kaise padhayi hogi

aur uspe jhagde, offfo hum to pareshan ho gaye hain in doston se, jab deho tab daant hi pilate rehte hain, kaabhi usi baat ko jara pyaar se keh de to inka kya bigad jaayega

shaam ke dhundhle saaye mein dil ke dar aur ubhar jaate hain
toote sapne, roti yaadein bikhar bikhar sab jaate hain
gam e jindagi se tabah hum maut ki taraf jaayein to
teri hi aankon ke manzar humein lauta ke ghar laate hain

agar itna bhi kaafi hai ki usne mud kar dekha to lagta hai ki shayad kahin na kahin koi jazba hai jo karvatein le raha hai uske dil ki masoomn si dhadkano mein. muhabbat isi tarah chupke se ho jaati hai, koi dastak nahin koi aahat nahin, na koi aane ki umeed, socha na tha kabhi kisi ka sirf mud kar dekh lena itna khoobsoorat ehsaas hoga ki lagega jindagi achanak se khusnuma ho gayi hai.

exams ka tension pal bhar ke liye thoda kam ho gaya.uff... ye exams .. na sochte huye bhi exams hi ke baare mein sochte hain, exams na hua pyaar ho gaya
so stupid of me, apna gubaar nikale jaa rahi hoon. sidhe sidhe jaa ke kitab utha kar thoda sa padh loon to shayad thoda aaram se kaam ho sakega.

ghar ki bahut yaad aa rahi hai. hostel ka kamra bada soona soona sa lagta hai, pehli baar exams ke time mein ghar se baahar hoon, mummy nahin hai. milo bana ke dene ke liye raat mein bahut neend aati hai. pata nahin kaise padhayi hogi

aur uspe jhagde, offfo hum to pareshan ho gaye hain in doston se, jab deho tab daant hi pilate rehte hain, kaabhi usi baat ko jara pyaar se keh de to inka kya bigad jaayega

shaam ke dhundhle saaye mein dil ke dar aur ubhar jaate hain
toote sapne, roti yaadein bikhar bikhar sab jaate hain
gam e jindagi se tabah hum maut ki taraf jaayein to
teri hi aankon ke manzar humein lauta ke ghar laate hain

life seems strange.there are times when u start questioning who u really are? is someone's influence so strong that ur thinking pattern seems to be shifting. i dont know
love is not synonymous with hurt is it?

i m just too sad today.got up late at abt 8.30.had a presentation in the class.mam didnt hear our presentation because she wasnt satisfied with the brand proposition.i feel life is jinxed.somewhere something has gone wrong.why does it happen to me all the time.

ehsaas kuch adhoore,kuch toote huye se lamhon ka jo har lamha meri pehchaan churaate hain mujhse.kuch lamhe jo badal dena chaahte hain mere poore wajood ko.ye kaisi chaahat hai ki mit ke bhi kisi ko khush dekhne ko ji chaahta hai.

muskuraane ko ji chaahta hai,khwahish hia ki khilkhila ke hans do jindagi ki is berukhi per.par ho nahin paata.aankhen bahut ro chuki hain par lagta hia ki aadat ab tak nahin bani meri aankhon ko rone ki.isliye ab bhi jab saham jaata hai dil to ro deti hain aankhein aur phir dard se saara din dhundhli si tasveeron mein talaashti hoon khud ka aks

love hurts,or the lack of it.

finally i have a blog,and i am going to say something anyone can read,its almost like standing on the stage and give a speech or rather giving a lecture in class.i m a bit apprehensive.how will someone react after seeing my posts?and what if no one reacts?

i am puja,i love to chat.i talk almost endlessly so much so that my friends have named me eveready battery.always charged.full of life, brimming with ideas and always having fun wid the moments i spend.
i love poetry,well thats my first crush.i write shayaries and sometimes poems too.i m writing a novel, lets see if it is published some day.
30.11.05